Thanks for all the input so far. I really don't want an iPod. It's just the way I am. If everyone else has one, I must not have it. It's probably a manifestation of sinful pride. It keeps me out of trouble sometimes, though.
I have done way more research than I should have (time could have been better spent) looking at iPod alternatives. The first thing I can say is the Zune is not it. It's just not ready yet. From everything I've read, it has a ton of potential but right now it has a lot of annoying bugs. Maybe a future generation of the Zune will be worth it. Generation one is not it.
My next exploration was the Sansa. I am a big fan of flash media and their portability. There is a lot to appeal to me personally about the Sansa e280 -- including the mini-SD expandability that will mesh well with my current method of porting music here and there (regular SD cards). But it just wasn't quite it, either. After reading several reviews and comments, I decided to keep looking.
If I get an MP3 player, it will be the Toshiba Gigabeat. It plays music, movies, and just about any other type of media file. It also functions as a portable hard drive. It beats out the iPod gen 5 on the CNet editors' rankings, too. And it's still cheaper than the iPod. I'm going to wait at least another month to make a final decision (I've changed my mind so much the past week I want to give the decision more time to percolate) and I still may end up not getting anything at all. It'd be great if there was a post-holiday price drop, too.
If you have any personal experience with a Gigabeat (specifically the MES30VW) feel free to fill me in. Thanks again for all the input.