Naginata

The Braun Saga

I've been working on this for some time, and decided the best way to share it was just to copy my journal, as faithfully as I can, to a post. I'll do my best, everything below the fold is from my own journal unless otherwise indicated.

Also, Braun and former Braun employees, if you're uncomfortable commenting here, my email, as always, is naginata at gmail.com. Of course anything you send me will be kept in the strictest confidence unless you specify otherwise.

If you want the timeline without all the nonsense, skip to August 6th part 2.

Convention: [this is a comment I'm adding NOW] (this is a comment I added at the time the post was written - a parenthetical or margin note)

Now then, before things get too serious below the fold, I present to you this marketing slogan:

The Braun Corporation - Because even a broken clock is right twice a day!

August 4th:

Today they forcibly logged me off my computer, without a chance to save my work, at around 1020.

I went down to the other hackers at the corp, all 4 of us had been logged out and locked out in this manner. It's 1340 right now, I'm still logged out.

Around 1115, I saw my roommate in the front lobby, having just come out of the president' soffice, and he couldn't do anything but shake his head when I asked him what was up. [Nagi's Note: Former Roommate, sorry for identifying you like this... but people who know who you are from that, already know most of this stuff anyway. The rest of you, former roommate is "emotionally stoic", just to help paint the picture].

When I went to lunch, by strange circumstance, I ended up walking the same hallway at the same time as him. He was practically in tears. I put my hand on his shoulder and tried to say something comforting... but I think I failed. He gave me his timecard and asked me to clock him out. That and a thumbs-down gesture. [Note: had he been able to talk, nothing he said could have been as eloquent as that thumbs-down]

After lunch, he called me from his desk, and I took his timecard back to him. I asked him what was up, and he said "we'll talk about it otnight". I said "I need to know if I'm about to resign" (over their treatment of him), and he said "not yet", or somesuch.

So, I've been staring at the wall or pacing the floor for over 3 hours now. What a way to treat skilled employees. Or any employees.

I called my boss (he's at the new mexico plant right now) after lunch, he said... well, he said I was supposed to have been in a meeting by now to find out what was up. He gave me a few specifics, but said he didn't know what or when was going to happen.

I think it's the first time he's ever lied to me.

Who wants a copy of my resume? Microsoft employees, I'm looking your way.

1410... nothing. I cleaned off - not out - my desk to pass the time. No more dust. I think I'll go find a pushbroom and sweep the shop floor, at least then I'll be doing something.

...

Just met with Bill Roth (Braun president). There's suspicion, and further scrutiny is only generating more suspicion. I'm in it because of my friendship [with the dave and tim].

I think he gets that I'm pissed and loyal to my friends, but he wants me to stay.

Me... I don't know. Braun and I's honeymoon has been over for a while now.

---------
August 6th
Got fired today.
Pulled into bill's office. He asked who "corporate overlord" was. That's what I call him in my frustration file [Nagi's note: I kept a file to which I vented when I was frustrated between the 4th and the 6th. It was private, secure, on my computer, and never shared... but they have a keylogger, so... not that secure. I tried to get a copy of it before my hearing, but when I threatened a subpoena, well, the computer was formatted and given to someone else. amazing.].

He called me a whore to my face. He told me that he would never trust me, that my word was worthless to him, even if I put my hand on a bible. [note: this not in sharp contrast to when he told me I was going to hell on the 4th]

I was then escorted - escorted - out the front door.

In that meeting (the whore one), he told me that I spent tons of time on the 5th covering my tracks. Apparently he's talking about when I cleaned out the bin and obj directories in the braun source tree. Whatever. I'm innocent of any wrongdoing, but I'm not going to roll over on my friends. WHile the frustration file ("houris.txt") wasn't my finest hour, I hardly think it was immoral or illegal. Heck, it kept me from hitting people.

Steve was in tears when he led me out. I'd love to talk to him.

-------
August 6th part 2 (live from the cigar store. By the way, the guys at the cigar store, both donnies, the... crap, I can't think of his name right now, but you know who you are, other guy, you all are wonderful. If you're in winamac, even if you don't smoke, go in there and buy something, because they're great people.)
I may have gone over this before, but I want to lay down a timeline of recent events at Brauncorp. About half of this is probably hearsay, but it's from people I trust. YMMV, use at your own risk - I have zero reason to doubt anything in this accounting.

• Some time ago, Dave finds a file on the HR server that should NOT be public. He asks the other people in electronics if they can see it, and realizing that it's public, reports it to a supervisor.

• Then the file shows up printed on the shop floor. Names, addresses, SSNs, all of that. Wage information too.

• Tim notices his computer is getting quirky. He looks for processes he does not recognize and finds spyware. He looks up what it is and the first hit contains "how to remove this spyware".

• Wednesday, August 4th, all computer access for me was suspended. The other hackers (Hackers in the good sense of the word. They're the bulk of the electronics department) also suspended from the network. About 1020 or so, we gather to see what's going on. No one knows. I call Steve in new mexico, and he won't tell me much mroe than "dave" and "hr file". Tim comes out of bill's office, shaking and practically in tears.

• 1500 or so, I'm in Bill's office. He assures me that this is NOT a witch hunt, and that I'm trusted, but also very replaceable. He threatens to fire all 4 of us if he does not get to the bottom of the security issue. He tells a story about heaven and hell and why computer programmers don't go to the former.

• After he assures me that we can trust each other, Bill sends me back to my office. I can't restore my permissions, steve is on a plane from NM, so he sends me home early, with pay.

• Thursday, I open a file called houris.txt, and vent my frustrations at the mythical "big brother" who is watching me. I call him "corporate overlord", but based on how many times Bill told me he trusted me, well, I may as well write a letter to Paul Muad'Dib - I'm just venting. I didn't realize I was being watched. I know I won't be very productive on Thursday, and spend time pruning old libs, dlls, partial builds, object files, stuff like that, to clean up my source tree. Things I should have done weeks or months ago.

• Friday. I have some (legal!) music on my work computer, and some code that I own, my personal libs and such, and I wrap it all up in one place. Call it prescience or suspicion if you want - I was really just neatening up my computer, doing busy work, because I was so frustrated by the mood in hte office. Describing myself as a "pariah" at that point would not be going too far. [However, it would be going too far for Bill Roth - when I mentioned to him that I felt like a pariah, he asked why I felt like a piranha.] Called in to bill's office while I'm doing that.

• He called me a whore to my face. If he wasn't my boss and in a wheelchair, I would have hit him. As it was, my knuckles were white on the arms of the chair, and I think he noticed. Specifically, he said "You don't trust the company or believe in the company, and if you take money from a company you don't believe in, you're a whore". He informs me that I'm terminated, THEN asks for my side of the story.

  He explains that he's been watching my computer, claims he told me about it (he didn't), reads excerpts to me from houris.txt. He tells me he knows about my covering my tracks, and says "Documents and Settings" over and over, as if that's going to make me admit to some nefarious purpose in neatening up my source tree. He accuses me of telling the houris file that I was being less than productive, as an excuse to fire me. Pardon me Bill, but we talked about that very thing on wednesday. Everyone, including Bill, uses their computer for "personal use", by his own admission to me.

• At some point, a rumor started that Dave (they used his name, first and last) is tryin to destroy the Braun corporation from the inside. We heard this from students at the High School.

• It's a small town. If HS students know it, everyone knows it, and they probably have my name too. I drive a distinctive car. I'm worried about my personal safety. I talk to [other engineer] at lunch on Friday about getting a concealed carry permit, just in case the rumors go much further. [you have to know how dependant the town is on that company to get this...]
  

---------------------
August 9th
Dave got fired last night. They gave him the option to resign, but he got fired.

----------------------
Notes in prep for my Unemployment hearing:
[I filed for unemployment, since I was terminated without cause. They refused, it went to court. I have a tape, but no way to get it to an MP3... and I did terrible in court.]
[A summarized timeline is here, I removed it since you already saw the majority of it - what's here is pulled from what's above]
Conclusion: I was fired because one man believed wrongly that I did not love my job. It's a chain of mistakes and misunderstandings that has forced me halfway across the country to find work, and taken a heavy toll on my finances.

--------------------------
Notes from the actual hearing:
[the case for Braun, by John Bawcum. Shorthand, do your best!]
insubordination. 3 days of incidents.

problem: employees get in to files, trying to figure out how, what, and why
(the file is public, John, and you know it)

I'm involved because friend with other employee. concern I was involved in hacking server.

Aug4: bill discuss
-explain concerns
-told about break in to payroll system
-I said I would support company investigation

Thurs, Fri:
-records of me not supporting company
-software monitoring my activities
-made bad comments in an email [note: he was talkign about houris, not an email].
-Said online: "I'm being monitored" "everyone say good morning to the corporate overlord"
-Email friend re: video game. Visited various non-work-related websites. [I have an rss reader. It visits slashdot, gaming steve, mobhunter, etc... this wasn't a secret. In fact, I showed it to my boss and others in my department, and they thought it was neat]
-said online [this one was actually said to houris] "I hate intranet updates, no human should have to do them" [I had been asking for time and tasking to automate the system for some time - the workload could easily be reduced from 1 hour per update to 2 minutes or less]
-Friday, to someone:
"goals on KoC: blah blah blah, it's another game email, and all of 4 lines long"
-said online "I wonder what msrptsrv is... but I suppose it's nothing to be concerned with" [I realized that it was probably spyware at that point]
-Visited various game websites [again, behavior that my boss was aware of, and even encouraged, to keep the ol sanity meter full. They were all sites that Steve et al had seen]

Summary:
-Nathan didn't keep his word, he misused the computer, behaved irresponsibly
-friday: brought to explain and discuss (yes, "you're a whore, you're fired" is discussion John)

My defense:
[None of this is insubordination. I pointed out which of my activities were mischaracterized and which were misunderstood, and pointed out that everythign I did those days, my boss knew about. I also pointed out the issue re: houris.txt vanishing as soon as I threatened subpoena. I think I said something along the lines of "I know that things are being painted this way because the people left at the company who can tell the truth to defend me, don't have the luxury of principles", but perhaps that's just something I yelled at my mirror after the hearing. By the end of the hearing, I was on autopilot, because they used an attack that was VERY different from what I was expecting, and in so doing caught me off balance.

Also, former employees who don't have the luxury of principles: it's ok, I understand. I'm not mad at you any more - you do what you need to do. If you can last in that company without entering a murder/suicide pact of some sort, you're stronger men and women than I.]

outcome of the court case

--------------------
I think that's everything. It's nice to have it all out there. I'll add this little tale now - and skip the []!

Before I moved away from winamac, I went to see Bill Roth, and we chatted for a while, and made some sort of peace. He really is a nice guy... is what I thought as I was leaving the building, and until recently.

Comments like "It's too bad Dave and Nagi chose to leave the company" made me suspicious, but I understand he has to consolidate and rally the troops, so that's understandable. The burden of command and whatnot.

Now I find out the rumor at Braun is that Rose trains its people to work at a place for 2 years then leave once they can put that on a resume. See, I had a lot of Rose friends who worked at Braun, and most of them left soon after Dave and I did, as a result of those actions, and other things that they can share if they want. I know where that rumor started, Bill, and it's impolite, to say the least. Painting Dave and I as people that chose to leave is one thing - saying things like this is irresponsible and cruel.

That's not the worst rumor I've heard, but that's the worst one that I'm comfortable assigning an origin to. I'll keep my more potent vitriol to myself for now. Also, no way in hell am I proofreading that. Enjoy the errors!

Flaming Metrosexual

Nagi's tips on dressing yourself (General):

Pants should be brown. Brown is any color between light light tan and dark dark brown. Material: no denim or polyester. Cords, khakis, it's all good.

Shirts: Shirts should have a collar and buttons all the way down the front. Avoid red. Also, always wear an undershirt with a tight, white collar.

Shoes: Shoes go on your feet.

Belts: All belts are black. Some are brown, but you should treat them in the same way that the US Government treats the Republic of China (Taiwan). Sure, they exist, but there's only one china, and that's the PRC.

Socks: White. Brown if you're out of white.

Nagi's Tips on dressing yourself (special):

Shoes: black, unless you have a lot of walking to do. In that case, well-shined jump boots. Black socks, of course. What are you, a reet?

Shirt: Blue or white, or a light khaki color. If blue, wear a gold or blue tie. If khaki, wear a blue or gold tie. If white, wear a blue, gold, or red tie. Same undershirt rules, but avoid shirts with logos, as your dress shirts tend to be thinner.

Belt: Have you thought about suspenders? These are also black.

Pants, Coat: Wear a suit. Three buttons. Dramatically remove the coat when asked to do something. Also, there are two colors of suit: black and charcoal.

------------------------------------

Those are the general rules. I'm breaking them today, and I'm pretty sure I'm comitting a fashion crime.

Black shoes. Dark grey (not quite charcoal) pants. Pastel yellow shirt. Burgundy tie with flecks of light blue. Blue coat. black belt.

I either look really good and super gay, or really, really bad... and also super gay, but without the innate +3 to fashion.

For Freedom!

Meme Tag

From this guy:

However, "for sport sake [am] content to do the profession some
grace", as well...

The rules state: Following there is a list of different occupations.
You must select at least five of them. You may add more if you like to
your list before you pass it on (after you select five of the items as
it was passed to you).

Of the five you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you
would do as a member of that profession. Then pass it on to three fine
bloggers.

Here's that list:

If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a backup dancer...
If I could be a llama-rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be a midget stripper...
If I could be a proctologist...
If I could be a TV-Chat Show host...

If I was a llama rider, I'd save up all my llama riding earnings, and buy a little ranch, and then I'd breed a remarkably small subspecies of llamas, and sell them as cute little pets. Who wouldn't want a cute little llama clap-clopping around their house when they got home in the evening?

If I could be a librarian... "Oh, you're borrowing the Hillary Clinton biography... well... why don't you take this Ann Coulter book too." Things like that. I'd make suggestions no one wanted, and pick fights over reading material. On the plus side, my "nagi's picks" list would be put up on the wall, updated regularly, and would be a thing of beauty. From the following it would garner, I would start a cult, and rename myself "Jeff, who smites the commies". Everyone in my cult would have a name like that... "Jeff, who fixes things", "Jeff, who hires classy dames", and "Jeff, who patrols the southern border". I'd call my cult the Reaganauts, and we'd drive around the country in an SUV full of shotguns, threatening socialists wherever they may be found. Looks like I'd have a job after all.

If I could be an architect, I'd build a Temple to the Human Spirit. If you don't "get it" yet, read more, because Gail Wynand is awesome.

If I could be a linguist, I'd release a "durkadurkastani-to-english" dictionary. No, seriously, I'd probably go to work for some place that needed quick and accurate translations. CIA, NSA, I'm looking your direction. News agencies... no, just, no. I think working as a translator would be fun work.

If I could be a proctologist, I'd buy a used roto-rooter from a plumber, and just leave it in the exam room, sitting in the corner. If they were just coming in to get the finger in there, I'd be wearing one of those giant foam fingers when I came in the room. I think that would establish the right mood. I think I could bring some new things to the industry. For example, for the scope, where they have to blow air in there, I'd use lightly fragranced air. Little touches like that would help make the experience better. Then for the next hour when the patient has terrible gas... they'd smell flowers and sunshine. Or possibly motor oil and sawdust. It depends on the client.

And now I pass it on to three people...
Ash, you like memes.
Bourbon, you don't post enough, or at all lately.
Mikey, because I bet it will be funny.

Earth Day is Every Day

Happy earth day, comrades!

Bizzaro Matrix

It's time for everyone's favorite game! Replace the matrix cast with completely different people.

I'll get us started with a total replacement:
The crew of the Nebuchadnezzar:
Thomas A. Anderson: Christian Bale
Morpheus: Benicio del Toro
Trinity: Halle Berry

Other Ships:
Captain Roland: Vin Diesel
Niobe: Uma
Ghost: Chou Yun Fat

Programs:
Agent Smith: John Travolta
Agent Whoever: Ving Rhames
The Architect: F. Murray Abraham

Exiles:
The Oracle: David Carridine
The Keymaker: Alan Rickman
Seraph: Jet Li
The Frenchman: Sting

Or, if you wanted it to be a cartoon:
The crew of the Nebuchadnezzar:
Thomas A. Anderson: Duke from GI Joe
Morpheus: Optimus Prime
Trinity: Lela from Futurama

Other Ships:
Captain Roland: Zap Brannigan
Niobe: Any Powerpuff Girl
Ghost: The Cartoon Jackie Chan

Programs:
Agent Smith: Leonardo Leonardo
Agent Whoever: Starscream
The Architect: Monty Burns (The Simpsons)

Exiles:
The Oracle: The Owl from those Tootsie Roll Pop commercials
The Keymaker: James Bond Jr.
Seraph: Goku from Dragonball Z
The Frenchman: Destro

Discuss. Make your own. Be free.

Metro Adventures

It's a quick one:

Was coming back from lunch yesterday, and the escalator was absolutely jam-packed for some reason. I got bumped from behind, and had to take a step up, putting my head just about into the back of some young woman's head. One quick wallet check later, I was breathing in through my nose...

Is it rude to say "Excuse me miss, but your hair smells like heaven" to someone you don't know?

Privitization

Required reading

I'll keep this as short as I can, because everyone is just about sick and tired of discussing Social Security and private accounts at this point.

I already have an "add-on" private account - it's called an IRA. Personally, I think the fine folks at sharebuilder.com manage it far, far better than the government ever could. Why add-on private accounts are even being considered is beyond my ability to comprehend. We do NOT need this. This benefits NO ONE, because there are so many options available today to invest your money without sending it to washington.

I either want private accounts, as part of the system, funded with my current contribution, or I want absolutely no changes to the system at all, and in that case, I pray for a swift and total collapse.

Taking my money and doing something that I was going to do in the first place anyway, that's something I don't need my government to do. Especially since, if you know Washington, people with large private accounts will get smaller benefits, and the income redistribution engine will shift into slightly higher gear.

Nice to hear from Howard Dean though: "When the president takes this ideological nonsense, which is privatization, off the table, then we're very willing to sit down and discuss solutions to the Social Security shortfall"

Yeah, what else can we expect from this man who, in his own words, hates republicans, and considers them to be evil. I'm not embellishing there. Normally I'd say something awful about him here but... I just don't have the strength.

Evaluation Day

Tax day is also the day we got back the real results of our evaluations: the pay raises.

The following is possibly the riskiest blog post I've ever made. It is also 100% anonymous, and contains almost nothing that I haven't said in my office, to my manager. With that in mind, please control yourselves in the comments, and if this post vanishes, don't be too shocked.

Dear My Employer,
Thank you for the compliments and pay raise today. First, let me express how much I appreciate the compliments on my work ethic, office manner, and general enthusiasm. I was suprised to learn that I'm the youngest employee to be given the award I received earlier this year, and I'm even more honored now that I'm aware of that fact.

That being said, let's talk about my raise. When I was hired we both knew that, due to cost of living changes, I was effectively taking a huge pay cut. We are both aware that the person I replaced was effectively an intern, and spent most of her time compiling, formatting, and analyzing data. While it is true that I do that job, I also spent a significant portion of my time - in fact, the majority of it - programming. This is a somewhat more technical job, requiring creativity, experience, patience and knowledge. The project I'm working on is critical to the success of my office, and I have always sought to perform in a manner that acknowledges that fact.

That being said, I feel that the raise I was given was entirely inappropriate. Had I taken the job near my former residence, I would currently be making more money than I am now, with a much, much lower cost of living, and be in line for raises larger than the 1.225% you recently gave me. Not to sound ungrateful, but even taking in to account that I've only been with the company for 6 months, that's somewhat less than I expected, and indeed much less than I was led to believe I'd get, especially considering how much the job has changed since the last person left.

I'm sure you appreciate that, in my field, it's important to promote your own abilities, and be aware of where you stand with respect to your peers. I have conducted some basic research into what a software engineer with 2-4 years experience can expect to make, considering the city in which I am employed, and found that my salary is around the 20th percentile. Pardon me for speaking boldly, but if you believe the quantity of my work, the quality of my code, or the keenness of my intellect are in the 20th percentile, I encourage you to fire me immediately, and hire someone more skilled. The mission of the office is simply too important for the 20th percentile.

That being said, I look forward to a re-evaluation of my job title, as promised, in a few months, and I hope that you will take all these factors into consideration when making that judgement.

Thank you
Naginata

Fist Shaking

Almost had another auto incident today. I was in the crosswalk, with the white "hey, walk now" sign illuminated and everything. The person saw me (which is why it's not going on the auto incident board), but lurched forward, then stopped, then yelled and shook her fist anyway. See, she was trying to turn right, and apparently was in a big hurry, hence, the yelling and shaking.

So, I did what any good pedestrian would, I stopped walking in the lane she was trying to turn into, bit my thumb at her, then smiled and moved on.

Memefest 2005

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY - for anonymity's sake, my name is jeff.
1. Jeffery
2. Jeffdogg
3. Naginata

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD
1. workenagi
2. mediocretes
3. naginata

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
1. I'm mostly logical
2. I'm an asshole
3. I have a mighty need to figure out how systems work
.
THREE THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
1. OCD
2. My metabolism is slower than a... um... some sort of morbidly obese snail
3. I fear all types of commitment. Those of you who think I'm just talking about relationships, you're wrong, try scheduling a lunch with me more than 1 day in advance

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE
1. Viking
2. Some sort of southern virginia tennessee thing, y'all
3. German

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
1. Moderately scary movies
2. People between 2 and 4 levels above me in authority.
3. Grad school. But it can't catch me!

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS
1. check email
2. work out
3. some sort of music at some point, and also reading, often in combination

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW... I'm only wearing three things
1. Cargo shorts
2. long-sleeve t-shirt
3. draws

THREE OF YOUR NEW FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS (at the moment)
1. Joni Mitchell - not new, but she's on the list, dammit
2. racermason
3. Shirley Bassey - it's new to me!

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (at the moment)
1. River by Joni Mitchell... > all
2. Fugue in G Minor by J S Bach
3. So Ha by Splashdown

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
1. the GRE, or possibly finding a grad school that doesnt' require one
2. riding my bike on the custis trail
3. um... two is enough. Wait, I want to ask for a raise, I'll go with that.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP
1. Well, I know what sort of relationship you're referring to here, so I'll go with "a woman"
2. patience, understanding... they're almost the same thing
3. involved, logical, occasionally heated conversation

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1. I can benchpress 120 pounds
2. I like a fine cigar from time to time
3. I own a frog

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU - This question is poorly phrased. I'll answer the letter of the question, rather than the spirit of the question
1. Different equipment downstairs
2. Slightly different chromosomes
3. Curves and mass in slightly different places

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN’T DO
1. In keeping with the letter of the last question, how about "give milk"
2. Have a conversation with a socialist in which I don't talk down to them
3. Drive a golf ball consistently

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES
1. Video Games
2. Reading
3. Scuba Diving

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW
1. Snuggle with the better third
2. Slap Hillary Clinton or Kofi Annan or Tom Delay or Aquaman, just once, in the face
3. Build, borrow, buy, or steal a personal teleporter

THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING
1. Computer Programming
2. Data Analysis
3. Education. Yes, I'm serious.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION
1. A cruise ship, location unimportant
2. Minnesota
3. Japan

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. discover immortality potion

THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY
1. I like books about war
2. I like to look at women
3. When in doubt, use brute strength. Often before you're in doubt.

THREE WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK
1. I use conditioner on a fairly regular basis
2. I'm not completely ignorant when it comes to fashion. I dress this way out of apathy and intent, not because I don't know any better. And sadly, I probably know more about women's fashion than men's.
3. I love gossip

Atlas Shrugs

Syfe, Bourbon and I have started Atlas Shrugs, a blog of sorts for workout fanatics like us. Drop by and look at what we've got, or if you're so inclined, get an account and join in!

Super Hard Drives

Hitachi to make 1 TB hard drives. This highly technical article will explain it in detail.

Dreaming

I had a dream last night where I shot about 6 people. As of 10 o'clock thismorning, I still felt really bad about it.

Is that ok?

Why Convergence Sucks

Everyone seems to be ranting and raving today about how their product is a convergence device. Sony has a device that will converge your home media and gaming. The NGage is going to make your cell phone and gameboy into one. A WinCE pocket PC will be your PDA and MP3 player, and maybe a phone on the side. For right now, I'm exclusively discussing mobile convergence devices. Let's pretend, for the purposes of this article, let's pretend we're talking about the new Sony Ringmedifessional Xtreem Edition, a device that includes a phone, Palm-OS PDA, bluetooth capability, 2.0 megapixel digital camera, plays PSP games, and has an MP3 player that supports SD, MemoryStick, and why not, even those little 1 inch hard drives. Plus it has a built-in GPS device, voice recorder, fold-out usb adapter, and a usb port, so it can actually read things off usb external sticks and drives. Oh, and everything your blackberry does? Yeah, goes without saying that the Sony Ringmedifessional Xtreem does that too.

Now, before you tell me that my straw man is on fire, realize that a device like that isn't that far away. In fact, I predict that if that device came out today, at least 1 review would bemoan its lack of support for WMV files, or complain that it didn't support some alphabet soup protocol you've never heard of. No one would be shocked by the capabilities of that device - the shock would be if they got it into a reasonably sized package.

Anyway, let me tell you why the Sony Ringmedifessional Xtreem sucks, in (and you'll all be shocked by this number) 3 reasons.

Firstly, the obvious, any device that fills all those functions is flawed in some way, right? If not today, then certainly tommorow. Let's say that device came out at the price of $800 dollars. People would line up around the corner to get them, heck, I'd consider it, and I'll tell you why - it's cheaper than all the devices I have right now that do those things. But that's also its fatal flaw. Let's say they release a new version of the Ringmedifessional Xtreem every 12 months, and you want to upgrade every other release cycle. That's $400 per year in hardware costs. Meanwhile, here's the ages on some devices I currently own:

Cell phone - 18 months
iPod - 2+ years
Digital Camera - 3 years
GameBoy - brand new, or 2+ years, depending
USB Keychain - 3 years

Look, I'm not going to lie to you, it's possible that I spend $400 dollars a year on gadetry, but I buy what I want, when I want. I choose which technologies I want to be on the front end of, and which ones I can wait for. The Ringmedifessional Xtreem is probably cheaper than buying a brand-new X every 2 years, but frankly, some of those things you don't need new ones of all the time.

Secondly, let's talk about batteries. Batteries suck. They do not perform very well, and their rate of performance increase is miserable. That being said, if I'm carrying around a Sony Ringmedifessional Xtreem all day on the subway, listening to MP3s and playing Ridge Racer PSP from time to time, I'm probably going to be out of charge in a hurry. Right now, I can carry around three relatively small devices and know that one of them (iPod), I need to charge every night. One of them (phone), I can charge every 2-3 nights. One of them (Gameboy), I can charge about once a week. Granted, you can always plug in the Sony Ringmedifessional every night, but what about when you're travelling? What's the point of carrying around a big honkin device if you know that you're going to take a Gameboy and an iPod along anyway so that you don't kill the life on your cell phone and PDA?

And lastly, people are addicted to their brands. I like having a Nintendo portable gaming system, an Apple MP3 player, and a Minolta digital camera. I'm not a brand addict like some people I know, but there's quite a few out there who will shun this device because, for example, it's not compatible with iTunes. Or maybe it doesn't work right with MS Streets and Trips. Or perhaps it only reads SD and Memory Stick, but they already have a digital camera that uses some other format. People don't want to feel locked in.

All that being said, Dear Sony, please release the Ringmedifessional Xtreem tommorow. I'll buy one at any price up to $1000, assuming it works well, fits in my cargo pockets/has a comfortable belt clip, and has reasonable battery life, or perhaps, two removable/rechargable batteries that I can swap in and out as needed without the device shutting down, so I can carry spares. In that case, it's ok if all that runs off one battery is the Cell Phone and maybe the PDA, in fact, it's probably better that way.

<3, Nagi