Naginata

Go Hack your Hack!

I was asked to break my fax scheduler (again). This is the result. Enjoy!

SELECT DISTINCT
ID AS DEALER_ID, NAME, ADDR_1 AS ADDRESS1,
ADDR_2 AS ADDRESS2, CITY, STATE
ZIPCODE, COUNTRY, CONTACT_PHONE AS PHONE,
CONTACT_FAX AS FAX from bc_ars_Dealers ad, bc_ref_dealer_Fax rd
where ad.id = rd.dealer_id and rd.faxflag = 0 and
not (rd.referral_id in (
select ri.ref_id from bc_referral_inquiries ri where ri.source_id = NOTFORYOU and
ri.creation > sysdate-7) and rd.dealer_id = 'SECRET')
and not (rd.referral_id in ( select ri.ref_id from bc_referral_inquiries ri where
ri.source_id = NOTFORYOU and
ri.creation > sysdate-10) and rd.dealer_id != 'SECRET')

Oh, and let's not forget these gems, without which the scheduler would still (mostly) work the way it was designed...


DataSet dsCategories = new DataSet();
string selectCategories = "SELECT DISTINCT RI.REF_ID AS ID, INC.CATEGORY AS category FROM BC_REFERRAL_INQUIRIES RI, " +
"BC_REFERRAL_INTERESTS RINT, BC_INTEREST_TYPES INTY, bc_ref_dealer_Fax rf, " +
"bc_interest_categories inc " +
"WHERE rf.faxflag = 0 " +
"AND rf.referral_id = ri.ref_id " +
"AND RINT.REFERRAL_ID = RI.REF_ID " +
"AND RINT.INTEREST_ID = INTY.TYPE_ID " +
"AND INTY.CATEGORY_ID = INC.CATEGORY_ID " + //HACK HACK STARTS HERE
"and not (rf.referral_id in ( " +
"select ri.ref_id from bc_referral_inquiries ri where ri.source_id = NOT FOR YOU and " +
"ri.creation > sysdate-7) and rf.dealer_id = SECRET) " +
"and not (rf.referral_id in ( select ri.ref_id from bc_referral_inquiries ri where " +
"ri.source_id = NOTFORYOU and " +
"ri.creation > sysdate-10) and rf.dealer_id != SECRET)"; //HACK HACK ENDS HERE
OleDbDataAdapter adaptCategories = new OleDbDataAdapter(selectCategories , oraConnection);
adaptCategories.Fill(dsCategories, "Category");

//query the database for related referrals
OleDbCommand getReferrals = new OleDbCommand("SELECT RI.PREFIX, RI.FIRSTNAME, RI.MIDDLEINITIAL, RI.LASTNAME, " +
"RI.SUFFIX, RI.ADDRESS1, RI.ADDRESS2, RI.CITY, RI.STATE, RI.POSTCODE, RI.COUNTRY, RS.SOURCE, RI.PHONE, " +
"RI.EMAIL, RT.TYPE, RI.REF_ID AS ID FROM BC_REFERRAL_INQUIRIES RI, BC_REFERRAL_TYPES RT, BC_REFERRAL_SOURCES RS, " +
"BC_REF_DEALER_FAX RF WHERE " +
"RF.DEALER_ID = '" + dr.DEALER_ID + "'"+
" AND RF.REFERRAL_ID = RI.REF_ID" +
" AND RS.SOURCE_ID = RI.SOURCE_ID" +
" AND RF.FAXFLAG = 0" +
" AND RT.TYPE_ID = RI.REFERRALTYPE_ID " +
"and not (rf.referral_id in ( " + //HACK HACK STARTS HERE
"select ri.ref_id from bc_referral_inquiries ri where ri.source_id = NOT FOR YOU and " +
"ri.creation > sysdate-7) and rf.dealer_id = 'SECRET') " +
"and not (rf.referral_id in ( select ri.ref_id from bc_referral_inquiries ri where " +
"ri.source_id = NOT FOR YOU and " +
"ri.creation > sysdate-10) and rf.dealer_id != 'SECRET')" + //HACK HACK ENDS HERE
" ORDER BY RT.TYPE, RI.LASTNAME, RI.FIRSTNAME", oraConnection);
OleDbDataReader refReader = getReferrals.ExecuteReader();


I'm sure it could be optimized, but it's all going to get commented out in a month or two, so... "meh"

Invent Me #8

I want a single-serving laundry soap thing. I imagine a little pillow-shaped bag, with material that's pourous enough to let the soap come out during the wash cycle, quickly enough that it's completely empty for the rinse cycle.

Now, I know what you're thinking - that someone already invented this. Here's the twist - the bag should double as a dryer sheet. So you throw one in to the washer, and then throw it in the dryer, and don't need 2 seperate things.

Ok, so it's probably not possible, the dryer sheet material would undoubtedly lose its fabric softener power in the wash. But I think, if you could make it work, people would buy them.

The Last Samurai

I'll make this a very, very short review, in contrast to... oh, every other review I've ever done here, I think. Let me say this:

Tom Cruise can act when he has to.

It was awesome, seriously. If you like sword fights and badass people doing badass things, go see it.

My favorite characters: "Bob" and the General what'shisname.

Rice Boy!

My car is not a ricer. The REAL ricers are here.

Hail, Theoden, King!

First of all, let it be known that the first bit here will involve no spoilers at all. If you want spoilers, you're going to have to do some clicking down below.

My initial reaction to the movie? There was some chest pain, followed by some tingling. Let it be known far and wide that this movie is truly amazing. Awe-inspiring. The first time I saw Minas Tirith, I nearly shat myself. The battles were good. The acting was almost all top-notch. The computer-animated stuff... where did they find an actor that looks just like gollum? Wait, he was computer animated? Hmm, who would have guessed.

Mad, mad props of the highest order to Peter Jackson and all the other people that made this movie possible, even if it is a bladder-tester of the highest order.

Now, here's some thoughts that are mostly non-spoiling, but if you're overly spoiler sensitive, you might want to stop reading.

First of all, smiling elves are creepy. Legolas has a little wry grin that works for him, but when Agent Elrond busts out with an ear to ear grin... it's just scary. Also, it's been suggested that men with long straight hair look fruity. On the one hand, you have a bunch of elves that prove that point. On the other hand, Mithrandir is pretty manly - you have to be to dual wield a sword and longstaff.

Ok, I feel spoilers coming on, so...

Ah, still reading? You're taking your life in your own hands.

First of all, it's nice to see that Sauron is a load-bearing boss, isn't it?

Second of all, in the battle scene with the Olliephaunts (spelling?!), I got kind of a star wars vibe. First the Rohirim are racing toward them, and I start thinking "they're going to use their tow-hooks to tangle up their legs!" No sooner had that thought been banished then legolas swings up under one. "He's going to cut open its belly and toss a grenade in!". Finally, at the end of the scene, my brian went for the trifecta, and pointed out that the "I'm going to save you" "You already did" scene was just a hair's breadth away from the death scene at the end of SW:EP6.

Not that reminding me of the Hoth battle is bad. It's like... if you're eating a meal and you're like "you know, this tastes like steak, only different somehow...wait, it's Prime Rib?! Even better!".

Speaking of Theoden - what a man. He may be my favorite character from the movies. Allow me to sum up his position through TTT and RotK:

1. Wait, I just woke up from being posessed, and my people are going to be wiped out? I suppose we can go try to defend ourselves at Helm's Deep, not that it will do any good.
   
2. Hmm, elves. You guys seem cool enough, not that it will help us all not die.
   
3. Well, we're in the inner room and there's a hojillion orcs on the other side that want to eat us, may as well ride out and SLAUGHTER THEM EN MASSE! Now for wrath! Now for ruin! And the rising of the red dawn!
   
4. Well, most of my fighting men are dead... but let's go save Gondor anyway.
   
5. Wait, no one showed up? Eowyn, Eomer, it's a good thing you've got angsty powers, cuz we're going to need them. We will teach those orcs the meaning of valor!
   
6. Hmm, we're out numbered more than 4 to 1. I think I'll give a speech that has +5 to badasspowers on all that hear it. Now that that's done, let's ride down the whole orcish army.
   
7. Curse you Witch King! How dare you, with your powers that are 100x greater than mine, slay me. But before I go, I shall see you put to death by a CHILD and a WOMAN!
   

On the Witch King... couldn't they have stuck in a bit about how that dagger was really a first elf dagger, just to make the slaying a little more... not uncomfortable for me, personally? Maybe Gandalf could picked it up to hand to Pippin at some point and said "This blade... I know this blade... it was ________". Anything. At least the people involved in killing the WK were hurt by touching him, this pleases me. Plus when he hit Eowyn, he broke her shield, her arm, and her will to live. As well he should.

I think I've about exhausted myself of comments here... Oh, one more thing - it's a good thing the undead were a CLEANSING WAVE that swept through Gondor in, what, a minute flat? Seriously. Why did Aragorn son of Arathorn, Legolas son of Thranduil, and Gimli "that only counts as one" son of Gloin have to leave the boat? Did the Rohirrim even have to show up? Sure, the defenders of Gondor and the Rohirrim gave time for Aragorn to show up, but had he left Rohan like an hour earlier than he did, Gondor could have been defended with less force and Theoden might still be alive (though how would the undead deal with the WK?!). Of course, we wouldn't have been able to see the WK dual wield a greatsword and a flail the size of a child.

Good timing Undead.

I must say, I greatly, GREATLY approved of the scene inside Mt. Doom. Whoever animated Gollum did an amazing job there, he was perfect. The fight, also very amazing. I was most pleased.

But while we're talking about Hobbits in Mordor... WTF did they do to poor Shelob? She's supposed to be a spider queen from the first (or possibly early second) age. Ah well, everything pretty much worked out ok, the Phial of Galadriel did good work, we can blame it for the great weakening, yes? It's like Kryptonite.

I believe that's all I have to say about that. Go see it. Seriously. See it for Theoden, son of Thengel.

How to kill a rotary

If you ever have a rotary that needs some killin, these guys show you the way. I'm not sure if I want to laugh or cry... it's a little long, but let it keep going, the last 2 minutes are worth the middle 5.

More Quizzes

You are Invader Zim
Try as you might, not
everyone is sure you can take over the world.
You are exasperated by the idioticy of man.
Then again, you've done some pretty stupid
things too. It's okay, it's interesting to see
how you bounce back from your mistakes. After
all, you aren't helpless.


Which Jhonen Vasquez creation are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Quizzies

More pointless quizzies, these from the ex.

Man I love these stupid things :)

Guinness. My goodness my guinness. You are dark and
mysterious. There is something people just
can't describe about you, besides that you love
head. You are a good one, but can only be
handled by a small percentage of the population
(unless you're in Ireland).


Which Beer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're Texas!

You aren't really much of your own person, but everyone around
you wishes you'd go away, so you might as well be independent.  You're
sort of loud-mouthed and abrasive, but you do have a fair amount of power.  You
like big trucks, big cattle, and big oil rigs.  And sometimes you really
smell.  But it's not all bad, you're big enough to have some soft spots
somewhere in all that redneck madness.
Take the Country
Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

Professionalism

Enjoy this string of emails, at the expense of {local car dealership}.

The premise: I'm getting an iPod or a new NetMD (minidisc) player sometime soon, and looking in to minidisc options for my car. I figure they'll be most cooperative if I let them think I'm going to get it done at the dealership, regardless of what I do in the end.

So the email isn't signed by the guy who it came from... ok, whatever. That seems excessive, especially since I can get the MD deck from mazdastuff.com for $405.

I called "Jeff" (of course, that's not his real name) and got the scoop. First of all, he didn't know what an MD player was, or that they were an option on the RX-8s. Ok, fine... I've dealt with Jeff a lot during my purchase and post-purchase and I can honestly say that I like the guy, he seems like a good sort of guy, and MDs are pretty rare anyway. Hard to fault him for not knowing what they were, and I could see, assuming this was relayed to him verbally, him converting "MiniDisc" to "Many Disc" - especially since the RX-8 has an optional in-dash CD Changer that would cost about 700 bucks. They put me in contact with their service department, at which point I get this breakdown:

MD Deck: $430
Other Parts: $62
Labor: $105

Ok, that's kind of what I was expecting... not so bad, considering that it's a dealership at all. I say thanks, I'll think about it, blah blah, and hang up.

Nice grammar and sentence structure. is that 112 the labor, or the parts and labor together? At this point, I've pretty much decided against the MD and for the iPod, but I decide I'll be nice, just in case I ever go down the MD road in the future. That and, you know, I'd like to greet the guy as a pal next time I get an oil change.

Let's ignore for a moment that we're talking about an MD Player and not a CD PLAYER like his subject line says.

And this is the reply:

Yes, this is the prize at the end of a torturously long post. Let's break it down:

1. WTB (Want To Buy, for all you non-EQ'ers) commas!
   
2. Your != you are
   
3. You're not worried about offending me with talking about Christmas? Shouldn't it be a "holiday" mood or something? Meh, like I care that much.
   
4. Yes, precious, we needs a new CD player too. They tries to takes our CDs they do, but we won't let them precious!
   
5. hahahahahaha!!!!!!111one you're so professional ROFLMAO!
   
6. Hi, I'm Mr. Capital Letter! I go at the start of sentences!
   
7. Oh, another your. You're beginning to tick me off with your grammar. While we're at it, let's misuse "it's" a few times too? No? Ah well, you can't have everything.
   
8. I was interested in the MD player. That's why I called you yesterday.
   
9. Apparently spaces go before periods now.
   
10. My name isn't gilbert. And why are you thanking me anyway? Is it because I just finished trashing you in a blog post?
    

So, the exchange has brought me prices (even if they are a little more nebulous than I'd like) on the MD player, which is good. I suppose, it could have been worse... I could have found out that it was either a lot cheaper (making my choice more difficult) or a lot more expensive (making my choice easier, but restricting me more than I'd like). As it is, it's just expensive enough to make me say "yeah, I could do that... but alternative B is clearly superior for now". Plus we all got a good laugh at someone else's expense, and at the end of the day, isn't that what really matters?

To My Mach3:

Three blades, slay your foe!
Stubble can't evade your edge:
You are just too L33t.

Inarticulate Rage

The following is an unordered list of things that are making me mad right now:

• Christmas Commercialism
• People who are afraid of saying "Merry Christmas"
• People who don't like the use of "X-Mas" instead of "Christmas"
• My mother, and her need to spend money for xmas
• Taxpayer-Funded commercials for Medicare
• Prescription drug benefits for the seniors, funded by me
• The Christmas Season in general
• Being mildly obsessive compulsive.
• Oversensitive co-workers
• People who don't like gamers
• People who, for whatever reason, think they may belong on this list, and who will ask me later today "I don't know if that list was directed toward me in any way, but if it was, I'm sorry for whatever I did".

That being said, the Penny Arcade crue have a charity going right now called Child's Play. Since I know most of the people reading this blog CAN afford it, go buy something. The wish list starts at 12 bucks or so and goes up from there.

The USS Taekwonderoga

I've decided to start attending the Tae Kwon Do classes at the Y here in town regularly. I met the instructor the other night, and attended 1 class... and despite 20 minutes of joint-lock crap, it seems pretty good. If nothing else, the instructor seemed highly competent and motivated, and made a few cracks about "sport tae kwon do" and how awful it was - this pleases me.

That being said, I told him that I had a little bit of tang soo do in college (true enough), and a some karate before that (a little bit of a lie). I'm going to try real hard not to reveal how much experience I have. I just want to train. I don't want to answer questions about how this compares to karate, or show people differences in technique or anything like that. I want to be treated like every other noob in there. I know I'll probably make progress more quickly than most of the noobs, but that doesn't mean I should be treated differently. Heck, I'll probably have problems with advanced kicks/forms because I learned them all differently at one point.

For the same reason I don't want to let on about my previous experience, I'm going to try hard not to test for belts unless they really make me. I'm not there because I want to be able to tie colored sashes around my waist, I'm there because I crave the tyranny of perfection again. I just wanna train. More to come on the class next week, maybe :)

Bonus!

I made another bogus program, this time to teach myself more about .net regular expressions and this near wizard library that I'm going to start using.

Go get it here, if you care. It's an EQ thing, so... you probably don't.

Mutual Fund Madness

After yesterday's post on the mutual fund scandal, I felt it was my duty to come here and add a little bit.

Apparently in addition to stale price arbitrage, there were some cases of people trading after hours. Now, its easy for us to imagine that to mean trading at all hours of the night... in this case, it seems that most (or all?) of the trades that fall into this category were conducted between close of market (4 PM) and 5:45 PM.

I'll keep this short, because I don't want to bore you.

1. This is probably illegal, no matter what the mutual fund company tells you. You don't trade after hours. The SEC is pretty clear on this one.
2. What company announces stock-changing news between 4 and 5:45 PM? Not many.
3. This is essentially the same problem as the stale price arbitrage "loophole" - its just a much smaller hole. Existing regulation, properly enforced, combined with some new software to eliminate stale pricing should pretty much take care of this.

Please, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong or have left out any details on this story. As an investor I'm less worried about my internet ego than I am about my money :)

Why NPR Sucks

A half hour or so ago, as I was driving in to work, I heard a few stories come on NPR that pissed me off. Now, I like to mock NPR for things like shoddy grammar, poor use of vocabulary, and the lack of talent of some of their on-air personalities, but this story was possibly the worst I've ever heard.

First, let me say that the reader (I can't remember his name, sadly), had excellent grammar, a mastery of language, and a strong "radio voice" that made the story easy to listen to. At least, right up to the point where they altered American history in order to compose a few pretty sentences. Intrigued yet?

I can't quote the story perfectly, my memory is something less than perfect at 7:30 AM. First of all, the reporter mentions that the building he's standing in front of is next to the "time blackened gravestone of Paul Revere". Ok, first of all, you're on the radio. Not only can I not see the building, but I don't care. Also, unless I really, really know Boston well, this has no relevance to me.

Secondly, he makes mention that (activity the story was actually about) is a "far cry from dumping tea in the harbor while yelling 'the British are coming'".

You know, I could probably stop typing right now... but Polonius told me I had to keep going.

I guess the right thing to do here is to set the record straight... The Boston Tea Party was in 1773. Paul Revere's ride was April 18, 1775. Yeah, I had to look up the exact date of that last one too, so don't feel bad if you didn't know it. The important bit is this - the Boston Tea Party helped to START the revolutionary war. Why should Paul Revere be riding through town, warning the minutemen of impending crimson-jacketed doom, when the war hasn't started yet? More importantly, why should he be riding through Boston harbor, throwing tea into the water around him (I guess his horse had a lot of faith), and yelling he same? You're damn right the Brits are coming Pauly boy, you're throwing their tea into the harbor!

The fact is, the reporter took someone that we know in history, and constructed a nice sentance using the only two facts about his life that most Americans are familiar with... and most Americans probably don't even know or care that good ol PR was at the Boston Tea Party.

Nor do they care that his job wasn't actually to wake up the minutemen, but rather, to carry a message to John Hancock and Sam Adams (bless you Sir, I shall enjoy both products of your labour later today - freedom and beer) that British troops were coming. There were 2 such messangers, going by different routes. The other, named Dawes, we really don't remember because he didn't almost get caught. The image that we all have in our heads of Revere riding alone through the night screaming about the British coming... probably not that accurate. But I digress.

So not only has this pompous jackass decided to "educate" Americans who don't know that Paul Revere did more than ride a horse and wake the neighbors, he chose to do it by inventing facts. Or at the very least, twisting them around a bit.

I'm going to do my part today, to counteract this NPR ninny's campaign of ignorance. Go read this. It's one of those "you're an American, you should read it" things, I think.

Ok, parting shot time: In another story, or perhaps the same one... I actually don't remember the content of the above story, the introduction to it made me so mad, NPR reported on the recent mutual fund scandal. They open up by saying that there's been millions and millions of dollars "skimmed off the top" resulting in "huge profits" for the fund managers. They talk about "Market Timing" (or the term I prefer, stale price arbitrage) and how it happens. The reporter says that "even though most investors don't (or did she say can't... I can't recall, but I remember being insulted) understand the practice", they're worried that their fund might be involved in the scandal. (quoted part exact, the rest is paraphrased).

Here's how stale price arbitrage works (T is in hours):
Time T-14(ish): Nikkei (Japanese stock exchange) closes. Japanelectronica has a closing price of $30/share. The "Japanese Electronic Firm Fund" (or JEFF) is heavily invested in Japanelectronica, since they're a market leader and all that jazz.

Time T-2: Japanelectronica lets news slip that (1) its 3Q earnings are a lot higher than expected, and (2) it is releasing a revolutionary new combination toaster/DVD burner.

Time T-1: Investor_01 places an order for 5 million dollars of JEFF.

Time T: Market closes in the United States. The order placed at Time T-1 is executed using the closing price from the Nikkei, 14 hours earlier.

Time T+8: The Nikkei's been open a few hours. The price of Japanelectronica has skyrocketed to $38/share, bringing the JEFF fund up signifigantly.

Time T+8+n: Investor_01 sells his shares of JEFF, having made a schload of money. This money is probably moved into another stale-price fund. n is also probably not very large... often less than 24.

Anyone not follow that? Is everyone still on board? If you can't follow that simple little timeline, please never visit this site again. I know I'm not supposed to actively turn away readership, but if you don't understand how Stale Price Arbitrage works after reading that timeline a few times, I don't really want you among my readers, you are too stupid.

According to NPR this includes most investors.

They mentioned the total cost of this "scandal" to the average investor - someone with $75,000 invested probably lost about $40 dollars. When people throw around phrases like "costing investors as much as $4 billion", keep in mind that, firstly, that's out of the profits, and secondly, a lot of retirement money is in mutual funds these days. What NPR never did is put that in perspective. Let's say your fund returned 8% per year (if its that low... start shopping around for a new fund. Might I suggest you check out these guys?). In that case, you lost $40 dollars. You made 6 grand. That's less than a percent of your PROFITS! The reason its a 4 billion dollar scandal is that there's a LOT of people invested in funds. You spread $4,000,000,000 out over 80 million investors, and its not a lot of money. If you're really worried, I suggest moving some of your money to an index fund (QQQ, DIA, SPY are all good places to start).

Are we so scandal hungry after Enron that we're screaming for blood over people losing less than a percent of their profit - less than they probably spent in brokers fees over the same period? This "scandal" (that's the last time I'll refer to it as such, unless some new news comes out) involves a very small percentage of the total money involved in mutual funds, and was perfectly legal.

The solution to the problem is twofold. First of all, stop stale fund pricing. Secondly (and this is already happening), funds can implement fees for people who hold the fund in the very short term. This is optional, and should be up to the fund managers. Boom! No one needs to go to jail, no one needs to get fired - they found a clever loophole and made a few bucks off it, kudos to them.

Conclusion: NPR thinks you are very stupid. NPR loves sensationalism as much as any other news agency in the country. Since you're still reading, you understand stale price arbitrage, and therefore are smarter than the average simian. If you get the Polonius reference, you're smarter than an above-average simian, props to you.